Change of pace (well, endian-ism)

Hello. How are things going? Well, ahead of my final '10' I thought I'd *spit* present my "worst 10 films". For those of you that read my preamble to the 'top 50' list I mostly abhor the films that are a wasted opportunity (or wasted money), rather than those films which make no claim to be anything special. So, basically blockbusters that are exceptionally dumb, to a lesser or greater extent.

Okay - I hate to dwell on the negative, but here they are: 

1408 - the 'terrifying' horror film starring John Cusack and Samuel L Jackson. Except it wasn't at all scary, made no sense, and was dreadfully obvious. I'd classify 'Knowing' and 'The Number 23' in the same league although the former has some good parts, and I've never got past the first 23 (oh no!) minutes of the latter. And just for reference 2/3 = .667 :-)  Anyway 1408, a waste of good actors and dull and pointless. 'The Reaping' and 'The Happening' only just missed out too. Yay for them. 

2012 - The Day After Tomorrow wasn't that bad, and this re-treads the same ground. And yes, John Cusack again. I love John Cusack, so particularly unforgiving when he stars in turkeys. And boy, is this a turkey. From almost the first scene to the last, a jumble of ill thought out ideas, appalling script, unlikely behaviour, and dross. Abysmal.

Bicentennial Man. Robin Williams at his most overly-sentimental. Twaddle. Unutterably bad. And long. If you're gonna be this bad, at least be short. Made by idiots for idiots. 

Chain Reaction. Dear old 'Keeno' has been in his fair share of bad films (and is that Mr Jackson in the background as well? Oh dear). Rubbish, and contains what has to be about the worst line of dialogue in cinematic history. Our hero is escaping on some sort of jet-ski from masked gunmen, with Rachel Weisz in tow. She's riding pillion and leans forward to ask "what are you doing?" to which Reeves breathes over his shoulder in a Stallone-like bark "the best I can!" Honest. That is the line. Not a dry eye in the house. Everyone guffawing with laughter. 

Con Air. Oh dear John, you again? And Nicholas Cage - who stars in only two types of movie - very good, or very bad. Guess which this is? His character is just so outrageously unbelievable and corny, you can't believe any of the 'action' (such as it is). An insult to the viewer at every turn. 

Contact. Now this film is apparently much respected, but I find that hard to believe. Jodie Foster at her most simpering and annoying. Illogical. Stupid. And never-ending. Nations have risen and fallen during its running. Awful. 

Deep Impact. When you're cheering the wave that kills Tea Leonne and hoping it catches up with more of the cast, things aren't going well. Save for an admirable performance by Robert Duvall in the face of another awful script, there is nothing to see here. Bad characterisations, loose direction, over-blown effects, and no depth. This film has all that and less. 

Godzilla. The remake of course, by umm ... let me think ... Roland Emmerich (him of Independence Day and 2012 "fame"). Just plain stupid.You don't loose an enormous fire-breathing dinosaur in the middle of a city; you don't report in from a stadium full of mini-saurs; you don't fail to figure out that flying up gets you out of the clutches of said beastie if you are in a helicopter. Insult after insult is poured upon the poor viewer. Shamefully bad. 

Independence Day. See above. Crap. Thank God aliens have the foresight to fit their space-ships with USB ports (hey, maybe it really *is* 'universal') and have no firewalls. Stop insulting us Mr Emmerich, you tool. Overflowing with stupidity.

Jurassic Park 2. Well, I need say little about this stinker. T-rex's that break free, slaughter a ship-full of people, then re-cage themselves inside a locked ships hold, before they set the auto-navigate. Dock authorities that let any ship approach without any radio contact. Only the pinnacle of the idiocy; there's plenty more to not admire.

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Well, I'm feeling slightly queasy now. If you haven't seen any of these films, then save yourself some time and avoid them.